First off, let’s agree that responsibility and burden aren’t the same. Our feelings are our responsibility; they are triggered by our beliefs…if that makes you uncomfortable…great! Don’t avoid it. Accept it and say ‘thank you’ – yay!. And…let’s agree that emotions and feeling aren’t the same either.
So what are feelings, really? In my work, feelings are what are the sensations that are triggered as a result of beliefs. And beliefs are developed through experiences. Your beliefs – conscious and unconscious – trigger your actions. What you say and do or what you don’t say or do. You have more control over this than you might think.
Responsibility is the way to your freedom
This brings us to “responsibility”. This word has many connotations. When we break the word into its two parts, it is literally the ability to respond. Respons/ibility = Ability to respond. Some people think of responsibility as duty/obligation. With this thought and way of living, responsibility is like a have to – a hammer – that can bring with it feelings of resistance, regret, and good if you do and bad if you don’t. Then there is the definition for responsibility that implies legal, financial, or moral accountability and compliance. And there is the responsibility provided by existentialist, Jean-Paul Satre who wrote “To be responsible is to be the “uncontested author of an event or a thing.” This responsibility is about authorship. This is the definition that I use in my work. It is a foundational word for transformation.
When you operate from this kind of responsibility, you are saying that you have the power to choose to be your own life-author and are accountable for the choices you make even when you don’t feel it. If your feelings don’t trigger your actions, what might? What could you choose to base your actions on other than how you feel? What could lead to changing how you think, produce, believe, act and live? Try these criteria for your actions: higher calling, vision, legacy, commitment, love, your future. Choose. You are the author. You decide. One bit about training/teaching your brain. If this choice-based way of thinking is out of your comfort zone, you may feel uncomfortable. Don’t let your feelings get in the way of what you want to experience. Read more in my book: How To Be A Positively Powerful Person. It’s a practical user-friendly guide to transformation.
Scientist Lisa Feldman Barrett (December 2017 at TED@IBM) makes a distinction between feelings and emotions. For the science behind emotions, feelings, and how to train your brain, watch this TED Talk. You will see how your brain is wired so that if you change those ingredients today, you are basically teaching your brain how to predict differently tomorrow, and this is what she calls “being the architect of your experience”. She will also make the connection to responsibility,
Another take: “You are your own best teacher. Accept responsibility. Blame no one. You can learn anything you want. True understanding comes from reflecting on your own experience” Source: Warren Bennis, Professor and Founding Chairman of the Leadership Institute.
This is the first one, “Do you give to yourself the way you give to others?” 9 out of 10 times, the answer is “no.” Doesn’t matter where she stands in life. Some men do this too, but I most often hear this from women.
Before I leave for a trip, U.S. or internationally, I prepare myself and my office space for my return. This means an uncluttered desk, completing the work that had been in process (no loose ends) so that when I return and walk into my office, I experience peace, and I am ready to get busy working, not busy cleaning.
