Feedback! An empathetic process about something you need to know

Feedback! An empathetic process about something you need to know

Giving feedback is an art and a science. Some distinctions between feedback, opinions, criticism, and passive aggressiveness. Under the guise of “feedback,” we might give any of them.
 
  • Feedback: Behaviorally based information given for the betterment of another. It is an intention based on caring. 
  • Opinion: interpretation and subjective
  • Criticism: Negative subjective judgment
  • Passive aggressiveness: Something that you say is “feedback” pretending that it is well-intentioned but it isn’t. It is a sneaky slam on somebody.
The art of feedback begins with you, the giver of it. Your why what and how intention. It is an empathetic process and often a “crucial conversation”.
 
The science of feedback is that it is about what we say and do. It turns around a career, company, or marriage. Feedback leads to dialogs between the giver and the receiver of it, which can lead to mutual understanding, fulfillment, and success. We need feedback coaches to learn how what we say and do, sometimes unconsciously, leads to an impact which we may or may not want to create. Can you imagine a basketball player not looking at videos (feedback), or having a coach (feedback), or not wanting to learn at a hall of fame player’s camp (feedback)? We can improve, change, transform our thinking if we decide to use the feedback. It is up to us.
“Crucial Conversations”  It is a good read and listen

“Crucial Conversations” It is a good read and listen

“Crucial Conversations” It is a good read and listen

For women and men who sometimes face conflict and want options other than fight or flight, run out or numb out, for business people who are wanting to have more effective conversations in difficult but necessary circumstances, for parents, couples, etc. who want to learn how to communicate better and create more caring relationships, check out: Crucial Conversations. It is a good read and listen. “The first edition (2012) of Crucial Conversations exploded onto the scene and revolutionized the way millions of people communicate when stakes are high. This new edition gives you the tools to Prepare for high-stakes situations Transform anger and hurt feelings into powerful dialogue Make it safe to talk about almost anything Be persuasive, not abrasive.”

Take a chance. Try out that new idea.

Take a chance. Try out that new idea.

 

It was an awesome day to pivot to transformative leadership with joyful, vibrant, contributing women who are “paying it forward with intensity”. I “invented” a new way for women to connect, collaborate and be informed based on two models that inspired me. Yes, I was anxious since I’d never done this before. The vote is in. it worked! Truthfully, I am honored and delighted. 100% of the surveys said “Yes They would recommend attending the next Summit to others. When asked this question, here is what two of our guests said:

  • A million times yes! Raw conversations with real solutions, networking, breaking through the imposter syndrome. All ages and races – diversity. REMINDER THAT I ‘M NOT ALONE! Biggest ‘aha’ moment of the Summit, “To realize that the thing I’m being told is a pain is truly an asset to my development. It’s fine-tuning how I use it for good not evil.
  • (I) enjoyed the speakers and their diversity, the sub-groups and topics…(my aha was) that we are more alike than we are different. Every speaker was transparent.

Looking at this event “from a distance” here’s what I learned about taking a chance and trying out a new idea.

Just keep breathing!

  1. Have the end result you want in mind.
  2. Make it known – in public. Declare it.
  3. Ask for what you need, want, to bring it to life. You have a 50/50 chance of getting it.
  4. Let people know how important they are to you.
  5. Say what you care about. Don’t lose heart. Keep going.
  6. Trust that you are not alone in wanting to pass it forward with intensity.
  7. No matter what the result is, be happy. You did it!

I appreciate the AZ Diamondbacks, Heritage Center, ASU Center for the Study Race and Democracy, Jason’s Deli and Pauline Sandell who made sure we had more than enough food to eat, Co-facilitator Ilana Ruber Lowery, Photographer Elena Thornton, the best speakers ever Deborah Cox, Choo Tay, Anna Maria Maldonado, Angela M. Allen, Debbie Castaldo and Linda Walton. We love all of the guests who attended, in the first “two-part format” Positively Powerful Women’s Leadership Summit. (We are looking fierce with our D’back caps!)

If you are going to tell a story, make it a good one.

If you are going to tell a story, make it a good one.

If you are going to tell a story, make it a good one.

Things happen to you, and that’s a fact…What you say about the facts is up to you. Try this: Pick something that you consider a major event in your life that has an emotion attached to it. Tell a story about that major event in the third person. Then, tell a version of the same events as a whining person. Then, with you as the hero of the story. Notice anything different? Did the emotion change?

How we talk about the events to others and for sure to ourselves, is telling the story. You can be the hero, the victim…or it can be your Hallmark Channel moment. It’s up to you. And your emotions follow depending on how you speak about it.

Story and fairy tales

Learning how to find your way

Learning how to find your way

Learning how to find your way

lao tzu a path to leaning

Lao-Tzu

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”

So many ways to learn, how many to unlearn?

As adults we have our “to do” lists, the speeches we attend, the audio recordings, workbooks and other sources from the last, the latest and greatest seminar we went to. All because we have an insatiable desire to learn. Maybe it’s because of some problem we want to solve or some business strategy we want to learn….whatever, we are a walking talking commitment to ‘learning’.

However what we don’t realize is that it is the unlearning that most interferes with what we do to learn. Unlearn why we procrastinate, why we let those notebooks gather dust after the first rush “to do” wears off. Or we get scared. What gets int the way of our being courageous to do something about the stuff we called “learned”.

What do you need to unlearn? This is where the human connection can kick in; that he or she that gets you over some hump and into action. Rewiring the brain to unlearn is faster with a caring two-some.

“What does it take to go where you’ve never been?”

I read this in a brochure of one of my international clients. Got someplace, a goal, vision, a health issue you’ve never been or had before? Think about the impossible way you most want to be or goal you want to reach… then put it in the abstract. Distance yourself from it. Meaning, imagine it as a wilderness you’ve never been in before. Could be a new country you got a training assignment to work in…whatever. To go to that imaginary place, what would you do? Find a map? Use your GPS or Google Map to check it out? Get a guide? Google the weather, temperature and start packing accordingly? For sure, you’d let yourself get excited about the trip. Then if it was important enough to you, your life and/or your sense of adventure, you would GO!

Learning how to achieve the impossible

It’s no different with the journey to your ”impossible dream”. Get a guide…a coach someone who’s been there and done that. You wouldn’t want a guide who is as new as you to the wilderness, would you? Do you homework, don’t go in blind. Think, does he or she have the credentials for your particular journey. And for sure – get excited! Remember, what’s new territory you is the journey you choose and could be the journey of your lifetime, your next adventure. Too many times we don’t act with urgency to what our intuition tells us. Trust and step out.

Making Choices

Making Choices

Having to make a decision can be tough work. Making choices is even more difficult. I am one of those people who see decisions as something that is brought to me and choices as something that is in me to take some action … or not. We don’t necessarily think deeply about the choices we are about to make, and we should. The things that haunt you and I are the choices that we wish we hadn’t made. The choices that were made absent-mindlessly. Like that tweet, released.

Here is my cheat sheet on Making Choices.

  1. Choose from the goal you have in mind. Then do it.
  2. If fear steps in after the choice, do your best to follow through anyway. Fear is just a feeling.
  3. A choice is something that is yours, no one can take it away from you. “It is not what you call me, it is what I answer to” is one of my favorite quotes about a choice.

If you are up to something (goals, vision, dream, etc.) and we all are, let your choices be consistent with what you say you are about, the story you tell in your imagination about the future you want to live.

Need help to align your STORY with your LIFE? Does any of the following ring true for you? Then let’s talk:

  • Life is good but I expected more.
  • I’ve lost the rhythm, I can no longer hear the music in my life.
  • I’m the best at what I do at work, but does it really matter?
  • Could a coach help navigate through all of “this”?

Being rigorous or mindful about our choices does not take away our spontaneity or creativity.