When you think about your baby or any child about one year old. What do you notice about them? I have asked that question many times in my workshops, and I always get the same answers: Vulnerable, loving, curious, innocent, tender, giving, demanding, caring, enthusiastic, open and happy. Well, those qualities are true most of the time, and when they are not, it’s because a fundamental need is not being met.

As a baby grows older a child begins to make cause and effect connections between the actions of the people in his or her life, like Mom, Dad and others. “If she, he does this or I do this… then this happens” is the equation that fires up his or her brain. Through thought, word, deed, facial expression, tone of voice, body language, physical touch, or lack of physical touch, the child comes into contact with feelings of pleasure or pain, reward or punishment.

Over time, a little one learns what he or she should fear: “Don’t talk to strangers because strangers will hurt you.” How to behave: “Children should be seen and not heard.” “You’re bad!” And guilt: “This hurts me more than it hurts you!” The child discovers that if he or she throws a tantrum, he or she will get picked up, hit, or ignored. If she or he wants a hug and love, the “right” action will result in this response from Mom or Dad. That if Mommy says, “you’re a good little girl” or “you’re a bad little girl” it must be so.  Beliefs begin to be formed moving from the conscious thought to the unconscious automatic response. The media also plays the part in terms of determining ones identity and what one believes.

It is important for you to become AWARE in order to accomplish your purpose, dreams and goals. You must come to know the beliefs that work for you and those that don’t; you need to know your power sources and your power drains. Beliefs are not facts like the fact that gravity is a force on earth. Beliefs are things – concepts – that you’ve decided and to which you made a connection and that have become habits with time.

This quote from Mahatma Gandhi stresses the impact of our beliefs:

“If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”

Our minds can justify anything to be right. People can break up relationships to be right. They can be dead wrong driving on the highway wanting to be right. They will deny themselves the riches they deserve in life, to be right about “how wrong they are.” Conversely, people can keep going when others say to stop because they know they are of right mind.

There is an expression, “If I see it, I’ll believe it.” I believe it is also accurate to say, “If I believe it, I’ll see it.” Our beliefs are fixed until we become aware. Challenge them if they don’t serve you. Take them on, resolve them, handle them, and change them. And this is what positively powerful people do—all the time

Someone once said the price of transformation is being wrong about deeply held beliefs that we’ve used to define who we are. We have the mind of Christ I Corinthians 2:16. Let us use this mind: Are you willing to give up who you have become to be who you are?

Edited from Dr. Martin’s book “HOW TO BE A POSITIVELY POWERFUL PERSON”

I’m preparing to deliver a speech before NAWBO (National Association of Women Business Owners) and the topic that I’ve selected and they have approved is ‘The Top Ten Knock ‘Em Alive Secrets that Every Positively Powerful Woman Knows.”

I’m going to be asking attendees and I am asking you, “Are you excited about your product or service? Do you wake up gassed about what’s next? Do you approach each new business opportunity like it’s your favorite new lover? Then you know one of the secrets of every Positively Powerful Woman (and you can bet their clients know it too). They Add Sizzle to the Sell not because it’s a thing to do but because they are beyond passionate about the business, the people and the community that matters to them. That’s their number one secret.”

What’s keep the lights on in a business?  if you read the Zappos CEO’s book, Delivering Happiness, you may come to believe that Tony Hsieh is really on to something – happiness.

Zappos has an employee culture that seems very much of one mind, focused on customer service and not in some sort of cookie-cutter corporate way. Zappos really cares that you’re happy, and it’s baked into their beliefs, their customer interaction, and even the way they hire.

Now about the hugs, how often do you give them and get them? Research shows that they are good for our health. “Between loving partners, between parents and children, or even between close friends, physical affection can help the brain, the heart and other body systems you might never have imagined.”

How many times have you heard “exercise, eat your fruits and veggies, increase the proteins, decrease the empty calories, check your vitamin B and K, don’t worry so much, smile more, get your r and r…”  It works, after all, who wants to do business with someone with low energy and no enthusiasm. So do the other things that release stress and attract clients and fans.

I’m not  suggesting that the sole way to keep your business going and growing is to sell happiness, it’s not.  Great customer service, ethical practices, quality goods and services – they matter. But when you are the person in business and want to keep the sizzle, try a little happiness, go get an authentic hug from someone special. Better yet give one. In case that seems like a lot of cum-bah-ya here‘s the scientific side of the equation:

Oxytocin makes us feel good when we’re close to family and other loved ones, including pets.  It does this by acting through what scientists call the dopamine reward system.  Dopamine is a brain chemical that plays a crucial part in how we perceive pleasure.  Many drugs of abuse act through this system.  Problems with the system can lead to serious depression and other mental illness.

Oxytocin does more than make us feel good.  It lowers the levels of stress hormones in the body, reducing blood pressure, improving mood, increasing tolerance for pain and perhaps even speeding how fast wounds heal.  It also seems to play an important role in our relationships.  It’s been linked, for example, to how much we trust others.

If there is going to be equality in the world, it will be because women are representing themselves proportionately to their numbers in society. Women represent 50% of all human beings on the planet but they lag behind men in almost every category except one  (motherhood) when compared to men. View Sheryl Sandberg’s Ted Talk from December 2010, on why there are so few women leaders. (Join the conversation on TED.com)

Sandberg is a significant force at Facebook, which automatically makes her one of the most influential women in world. Being seen as a “Powerful Person” provides for an enormous opportunity to push forward an agenda. Sandberg’s agenda seems to be for women to actively seek leadership roles and take responsibility for the direction of the world. A consistent message has been for them to insiston sitting at the table, to lean in and keep a hand raised. Sandberg, for her efforts, admits that she has made mistakes like FaceBook’s privacy issues and snagging hires from Google  (Ken Auletta’s Profile in  The New Yorker). She has been reluctant to blame the need to compete in the old boys club for her errors.

In our own work, coaching and training women entrepreneurs, we point out that we all make mistakes all the time, there is no blueprint for our lives, and it is how we recover that makes the difference.

Someone is always watching and learning from what we do or say and our goal, as leaders, should always be to inspire those around us to take on great and powerful projects that positively enhances the lives of others.

Michelle Obama’s visit to South Africa and in her speech to a group of young female leaders in Soweto, she asked that they take on big projects. “You can be the generation that teaches the world that HIV is preventable, treatable and not a source of shame, you can be the generation that ensures that women are no longer second class citizens”.

There is a strong feeling that this will be the decade of Women Leadership and that women will play a large part in having our societies refocuses its attention towards the needs and respect of all people.

Recently there has been speculation that with IBM celebrating it’s 100 year anniversary they would also appoint a new CEO . Virginia Rometty, Senior Vice President, is thought to be one of the leading candidates for the position and would be the first women to lead IBM.

If selected, IBM will be adding to its storied past and stepping firmly into the future.

Compassion is not a dirty word or a bad characteristic … and neither is empathy. Yet – they are often demonized. Being concerned about someone we don’t know and who is different from us is not  a weakness. Some groups are escalating compassion to a treasonous offense when empathy is expressed about a culture, race or life style that is unlike their own. A fear is released among those of that persuasion that compassion will run wild and unchecked and we must limit the amount of love and caring we have to only those in our family or on a short list of carefully selected friends…or our political affiliates.

We want to limit who we love so as not run out of it.

One of the first things that we learn when we are young is the golden rule or some form of it. Almost immediately however, we are challenged. “There are exceptions to the rule.” “People not like us.” These exceptions push people, communities and issues apart and into a realm where compromise, understanding and acceptance don’t exist. Lacking compassion enables concepts like scarcity, fault and paranoia to exist. Being compassionate however serves us all. Ultimately, we are all “the other” to someone.

Kristi Lee Speaking at the 2011 Positively Powerful Women Awards Luncheon

Kristi Lee uses FORM (Family, Occupation, Recreation and Motivation) in helping her to develop relationships that stand the test of time.

FORM represents four extremely important areas in everyone’s life and having a better understanding of each area will enable you to serve people well. “I align myself with people who I feel I can contribute to and/or learn from” says Kristi.

As she explained at the 2011 Positively Powerful Women Awards Luncheon and Conversation on Leadership Workshop, Kristi spends a good deal of time first understanding who her customers are and then in building a personal relationship with them before considering how or what to sell them.  In some cases, the relationship does not result in a sale but rather a referral or endorsement of her as some one that can be trusted. And trust is vital to a good relationship and to the sales that can result.

Kristi uses the same process (FORM) when being interviewed or when she is on the other side of the table as a customer or consumer. All relationships are personal, so she appreciates them and treats them all as being special.

When you speak to someone trying asking them about their FORM. It will make it easier to climb “the sales mountain.”

Susan Ratliff a powerful speaker and story teller outlined her process for entrepreneurial success at the 2011 Positively Powerful Women Awards Luncheon and Conversation on Leadership Workshop. One of many takeaways  from her afternoon session was not to let what we don’t know get in the way of our passion for getting what we want done. There is enough support available via the internet, associates, libraries etc to help us in becoming an expert.  “Get the Job First”!

We don’t have to look far to find examples.

Legend has it that Bill Gates knew very little about writing an Operating System (OS) when he was given that assignment from IBM. We can see where this lack of knowledge took him and his associates. After more then thirty year Microsoft is very much a part of our life.

Christine Lagarde

Another sign that the world and role of women in it is changing. Christine Lagarde France’s finance minister  has emerged as the lead candidate to replace Dominique Strauss-Kahn as Managing Director of the IMF.

It’s been reported in France that China would support her nomination if she decides to run.

The last census confirms that more women in American are acquiring post-graduate degrees, surpassing men for the first time in this country’s history. These educational gains are providing women with greater access to jobs and careers and we expect this trend to continue, leading to a cultural shift in how businesses are run.

When this information was first reported, there had been focus on family responsibility like who stays home with the kids, the role of men etc. But we feel that the real change will be in the types of jobs and careers that will be created because of the addition of many highly educated women to the business world. Wages, bonus and creature comfort will remain a factor, but it seems that the major incentives for women in choosing where they will work will be cultural fit, values, managerial style, the environment and community building.

While we are not anticipating that every women with an advanced degree will want her career to progress in ways that lead towards an executive position with a major corporation, there will still be more women taking a prominent and visible role in business and in some ways they will be at least partly responsible for this country new economy. Questions like “Are we doing the right thing” and is this “Sustainable” will lead the discussion when women are involved , becoming the norm before any projects get underway.